In saying that, Bonnie not only prepares John for the ducking and dodging he is going to have to do, but also apologizes in advance for whatever she may say that is offensive or mean-spirited. In the exchanges youve got here, John Gray is asking people to be more aware of their feelings, and the feelings of others. So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand. She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way. That is pausing. And we assume our partner would be thinking and feeling the same way, when quite often its different. WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. That was most of their day, and that is what brought them their fulfillment and then the guy was whip cream. Women need to share their frustrations or disappointments to increase their estrogen. How a woman being in her masculine all day. Crazy. When I went to Harper Collins and published Men Are From Mars they said, Why dont you [now] write primarily for women because mostly women buy these books. I said, No. My wife has two womens groups as well as a host of female friends. Based on what Ive heard before and read here, it feels like it was written completely for women, which kind of defeats the purpose. Theres the guy who just likes girls and also has male friends. For men, your estrogen levels are going up and your testosterone levels are going down. So there is a numbness that sets in. You are going to buy what you want and thats it. Then speed that up with computers, Internet and cell phones; our lifestyle is so much faster and busier than before. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. so . He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. The truth is, even though our roles have shifted, there are still fundamental differences between men and women. Its not like youre going to just lock yourself up in a room and get away. Its hard for her to open up and be vulnerable. John Gray is the founder of the now vast Mars/Venus industries: books, seminars, websites, and so on. I hear all these stories of women in their sixties who get awakened and they go, Gee, I want something, and I just dont have it with my partner. When couples are getting divorced they find reasons why theyre getting divorced, but the bottom line is theyre not having sex. I think thats a great human trait, dont you? But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. The big surge of estrogen a woman will feel when she does something for her partner; no matter if it was something big or small. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that allow him to model how husbands should respond when their wives seem petulant and unreasonable. I want to poke just a little today at the way John and Bonnie Gray illustrate what communication between a husband and a wife ought to look like. John Gray: Its blowing everybody away. And if the guy says, I need to spend a little alone time, and you say, Just go on and get out of here, I mean, what a brilliant thing! John Gray lives in Northern California where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. John Gray: In my personal life, I had been married to Bonnie (Grays wife of twenty-five years) for seven years, we had a family and we lived very happily together. A Feminist wrote a book called, Men Are Just Desserts. I hadnt ever seen that and its perfect. Fill out the quick form below to get started. Add Reena@HealCircle.org to address book to get gifts. How do they find their way back to each other under these circumstances? Women need to pause when they feel themselves cranking up the grievance machine. But what I didnt know is, hormonally, men and women are actually wired to think and behave in different ways. Heres the hard one. I got the news, on my honeymoon, that my father had died. Dr. John Gray and The Mars and Venus Wellness Solution. Not very much time, as I recall. Just the fact that I could talk about my feelings without you getting upset with me makes me feel so loved. Our couch needs to be recovered. I guess my answer to this is we would not be together, and we are very happily married and we are very happy together, if we didnt have this knowledge. She engages her husband as a helper and a hearer and promises her gratitude for his work when she is done. I have actually done that. The Getty Images design is a trademark of Getty Images. Then, she comes home to her partner who is safer than the rest of the world and those negative emotions all come up and overreact on him. Learn how your comment data is processed. John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. Why it's important to not look at your female partner from your point of view but from her point of view. She engages her husband as a helper and a hearer and promises her gratitude for his work when she is done. You're not trying to control her; you're providing her with the support she needs. Dr. John Gray, When a woman is on her masculine side after working her job all day, she doesn't feel those negative emotions and they're all kept inside. Limitation is all of our negative beliefs, emotions, our greed, our selfishness, and all of our violence whether we hide it or not it's all in there. Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. Exclusive interview with Mars and Venus author John Gray Through his books and seminars, John Gray has spread his message that men and women are inherently different. JOIN HEART HEALTH CIRCLE with Dr. Joel Kahn. PR.com: I particularly love the two page cartoon in the center of this book. John Gray: No. There is a middle ground where one isnt interested and the other one is, and there is anger that there is no reciprocation. . PR.com: What are your thoughts on traditional couples counseling, considering that it doesnt seem to touch on their being a physiological reason why men have certain behavioral tendencies, and women have other behavioral tendencies? My approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance. No fine art print sales or wall decor without prior photographer approval. Not rope-a-dope, but a very clear inversion of MY priorities. He asked if he could talk to me, but I said, Do so at your own risk because youll end up wanting to get back involved in this relationship.. John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. They are busy working all the time and not together, and I am sure one of them just got turned on for the first time in twenty years (laughs). Spiritual growth can only occur when you become aware of that, feel it, and know it. Our lives are marred by fast-paced schedules and a barrage of technology, and gender roles are no longer clearly defined, but there are simple adjustments that can be made to re-balance male and female hormonal harmony. But Id be willing to bet that a VAST majority of these books are purchased by women, thinking that theyre bridging a gender gap. Reassurance is a key factor to keep that estrogen up. For women- When you feel successful in getting the love and support they need. PR.com: Even when your kids were really little? I just need to talk for a while and feel that you care. In saying that, Bonnie not only prepares John for the ducking and dodging he is going to have to do, but also apologizes in advance for whatever she may say that is offensive or mean-spirited. John Gray: A lot of these ideas I put forth are very counter-therapy. John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. Their love story unfolded in a series of popular self-help books that have sold millions of copies and have been translated into 5o languages. They are the original Mars and Venus - yes, that "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." To me its not offensive at all. I think his characterizations of male and female roles are stereotyped and rigid. Worst, the more women complain the worst it gets as it becomes a habit. Reassurance is a key factor to level their testosterone and keep that estrogen up. Dr. John Gray, The only way that you can grow is to step beyond where you were limited. So men with these big bellies lose their sexual desire. PR.com: How did you come to these conclusions, regarding hormonal differences, in the way men and women express and diffuse their stress? Estrogen suppresses testosterone. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. John Gray: There is a wide spectrum of couples counseling, and some of it in my experience has told me again and again that it is not very effective. Four. Its oxytocin. PR.com: You hold all of this knowledge, but in your own marriage do you and your wife ever slip into some of the bad patterns that most others do? Find out as Dr. John Gray explores the masculine and feminine sexual polarities of our modern world. He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. As I grew older, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents and in the early 1980s, I married my wife, Bonnie, and we went on our honeymoon. He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, and others. Required fields are marked *. Bonnie: Of course you do. In 1984 they divorced, After which he re-evaluated his ideas regarding relationships. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. They just need to know what to do. In that sense, there is symmetry to their roles. PR.com: Can you break the good and the bad down a bit further for clarification? My jobs much easier then. If John does what he is supposed to do, nearly anything Bonnie does will work out. Easily a week could slip by and you kind of went, What happened there? What happens is it is so easy to get out of the routine, and out of the habit of it. They have three grown daughters and four 2023 Getty Images. John Gray: A little mystery, thats right. I noticed where she shifted and was consciously doing that. Once women are on their independent side, they tend to always see what's wrong with you which means they don't trust you which makes it even harder for them to go to their female side and share emotions in a more positive way. Dr. John Gray. Women come naturally to this role because while the caveman husband was off fighting enemiesthats where the ducking and dodging came from, rememberthe cavewoman is home preparing. Save 10% off all orders: Use discount coupon code WELLNESSFORCE at checkout. John Gray: Every woman does. That wasnt the right part. They experience sexual attraction. His many books, blogs and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. John lives in Northern California with If you dont say, This is important for my health, then you kind of go, Ill just have sex when I feel like it, as opposed to creating a schedule where it would happen. I dont mean to upset you. When men talk about negative feelings their estrogen will go up! I just want you to know in advance that it sounds worse than it is. One. How we regulate and respond to stress determines our heart health. Bonnie: Whats wrong with the computer you already have? Crazy. relationships where people play out their roles in order to create harmony. When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. John Gray on Beyond Mars and Venus. It just feels like you dont care about me. The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. The truth is, even though our roles have shifted, there are still fundamental differences between men and women. And even if I value him only for that, I value him very greatly. He was also the subject of a three hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. : http://bit.ly/1wJ0ugIOur Fantastic Lineup: http://bit.ly/1qMi2jEConnect with OWN Online:Visit the OWN WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/1qMi2jELike OWN on FACEBOOK: http://on.fb.me/1AXYujpFollow OWN on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/1sJin8YFollow OWN on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/LnqzMzFollow OWN on PINTEREST: http://bit.ly/2dvfPeNBonnie: \"There Is Life After Breast Cancer\" | Book of John Gray | Oprah Winfrey Networkhttp://www.youtube.com/user/OWN I had achieved success in my life, but without sharing it with my family, it wasnt as fulfilling. 046 Dr. John Gray: ADHD, Brain Health, & Sex Addiction, Solocast | A Victim of Intellectualization & The Wisdom of The Heart, Solocast | The Sedation of Society: How To Reconnect & Strengthen Your Souls Connection, How to Get Everything You Want in Relationships, Paleovalley Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code JOSH', Seeking Health Save 10% with the code JOSH', Organifi Special 20% off to our listeners with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Drink LMNT Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, you only cover the cost of shipping, Botanic Tonics Save 40% when you use the code WELLNESS40, Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Cured Nutrition Get 15% off of your order when you visit wellnessforce.com/cured + use the code WELLNESSFORCE'. Its not like I have all this thought out (He asked what she thought they should spend the money on). This approach asks his patience as a favor to her and promises that the barrage will be as brief as can be, still allowing time for the feelings to be expressed. Find out as Dr. John Gray explores the masculine and feminine sexual polarities of our modern world. We dont look to one person for everything. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. And estrogen doesnt cause the sexual response. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships. I always believed it was just our preferences. Now, having more equality in relationships is a beautiful thing, but the problem is people have equated equality with sameness. Das Getty Images Design ist eine eingetragene Marke von Getty Images. You saw in the book, the statistics are just terrible with this. I still need a kitchen cupboard. 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